maanantai 18. helmikuuta 2013
maanantai 11. helmikuuta 2013
I cry, just a little When I think of letting go
Yes, I just quoted Flo Rida's song lyrics on the title..
This is one shitty ramble with bad language and writing skills..
Don't know when it started or why, but it's been something like couple years now.. I simply can not cry anymore, except when I'm shocked like, really badly.
I read, watch or listen something really really sad which would've made me cry before. Nowadays I just get a lump in my throat and the feelin of tears behind my eyes, but not a single tears come out..
And it sucks and makes me even more upset.. I don't know if it's possible for this to happen/not happen because of that these past few years, when I'm in a public place I just bite my lip and do everything else that stops me from crying.. Suddenly I cant get cry even when I'm alone and no one would see or hear me..
I know I sometimes say I'm crying or something like that, but in reality, I just have the lump in my throat and my eyes sting like usually right before tears, I just dont get the tears.
It's really freaking frustrating cause actual crying makes u feel better after a while and gives this pure/"clear"/"clean" feelin inside.
Cause of this, I've noticed that I snap to people more and faster than before..
It's weird to hope and wish this, but I'm hoping that I'm actually gonna cry at Adam's concert in 39/38 days..
This is one shitty ramble with bad language and writing skills..
Don't know when it started or why, but it's been something like couple years now.. I simply can not cry anymore, except when I'm shocked like, really badly.
I read, watch or listen something really really sad which would've made me cry before. Nowadays I just get a lump in my throat and the feelin of tears behind my eyes, but not a single tears come out..
And it sucks and makes me even more upset.. I don't know if it's possible for this to happen/not happen because of that these past few years, when I'm in a public place I just bite my lip and do everything else that stops me from crying.. Suddenly I cant get cry even when I'm alone and no one would see or hear me..
I know I sometimes say I'm crying or something like that, but in reality, I just have the lump in my throat and my eyes sting like usually right before tears, I just dont get the tears.
It's really freaking frustrating cause actual crying makes u feel better after a while and gives this pure/"clear"/"clean" feelin inside.
Cause of this, I've noticed that I snap to people more and faster than before..
It's weird to hope and wish this, but I'm hoping that I'm actually gonna cry at Adam's concert in 39/38 days..
torstai 7. helmikuuta 2013
This just ain't right
After I fell down on December 30th, hugged our bookself in the living room, split my upper lip in two and got 8 stitches, my head's been spinning and felt like in some sorta roller coaster or something.
We were at a family friend's birthday party on January 26th. It was a nice party, but I didn't feel all that well during that day. It felt like I had a helicopter inside my skull, my head kept spinning slightly no matter if I was standing or sitting down.. I felt really tired and grumpy cause of that and I couldn't enjoy the party as much as I would've liked. I kept whining to mun if we could go home after 4 hours, she said no which I understood, then after 6 hours I asked if I could call to my big sis if she could come and take me home, mum said dont call.
I'm glad my phone had at least some sorta internet connection and I could chat( read whine) to couple of my friends and they managed to cheer me ip a little bit and helped me survive through the night.
When we came home around midnight I was really tired yet I couldn't keep my eyes shut long enough to fall asleep, so I kept chatting with friends..
Next morning I decided that next time we go in town and to the pharmasy store I'd have to buy some fluid iron if it'd help with my low blood pressure and hemoglobin.
It had been like a week or so and taking the iron stuff for 4/5 days, without feeling dizzy and being "a helicopter head" until this morning, I woke up at 11, big sis came for a really quick visit around 12:20 and I told her that:"since I woke up today, my vision has gone blurry three times already. Just now when I stood up from the couch and walked to the hall to see u, it went blurry when I was half way walkin there. And last time I stood up from the couch to get my porridge from the kitchen, I reached kitchen and placed my plate to the counter when the edge/outline of my vision went blurry.."
I'm a bit scared again that what if I'll fell down one morning and something happens, I'd need to call mum and scare her or if something serious happens and I'll be lying on the floor or something when mum comes home from work..
I know it sounds like I'm over reacting but this low blood presure runs in the family, I've had these;"vision goes blurry and head spins a bit" like so many times during these past couple years and they've just went back to normal after I've stood on my place for a little while keeping my eyes closed and taking deep breaths. Until the day before new years eve and after that I get this really really small panicking moments when it happens cause I'm scared what if next time I fall, I'll hit my head badly or something else..
I know I should go see a doctor and get everything checked...
When I split my lip, I thought it was cool and I'm really hoping to have a small scar on it, yes I'm weird like that, but based on how it's healed during these 5/6 weeks, there won't be a scar or at least not one u could notice easily...
Checked the bloodpressure at grandma's place today (10.2.)
We were at a family friend's birthday party on January 26th. It was a nice party, but I didn't feel all that well during that day. It felt like I had a helicopter inside my skull, my head kept spinning slightly no matter if I was standing or sitting down.. I felt really tired and grumpy cause of that and I couldn't enjoy the party as much as I would've liked. I kept whining to mun if we could go home after 4 hours, she said no which I understood, then after 6 hours I asked if I could call to my big sis if she could come and take me home, mum said dont call.
I'm glad my phone had at least some sorta internet connection and I could chat( read whine) to couple of my friends and they managed to cheer me ip a little bit and helped me survive through the night.
When we came home around midnight I was really tired yet I couldn't keep my eyes shut long enough to fall asleep, so I kept chatting with friends..
Next morning I decided that next time we go in town and to the pharmasy store I'd have to buy some fluid iron if it'd help with my low blood pressure and hemoglobin.
It had been like a week or so and taking the iron stuff for 4/5 days, without feeling dizzy and being "a helicopter head" until this morning, I woke up at 11, big sis came for a really quick visit around 12:20 and I told her that:"since I woke up today, my vision has gone blurry three times already. Just now when I stood up from the couch and walked to the hall to see u, it went blurry when I was half way walkin there. And last time I stood up from the couch to get my porridge from the kitchen, I reached kitchen and placed my plate to the counter when the edge/outline of my vision went blurry.."
I'm a bit scared again that what if I'll fell down one morning and something happens, I'd need to call mum and scare her or if something serious happens and I'll be lying on the floor or something when mum comes home from work..
I know it sounds like I'm over reacting but this low blood presure runs in the family, I've had these;"vision goes blurry and head spins a bit" like so many times during these past couple years and they've just went back to normal after I've stood on my place for a little while keeping my eyes closed and taking deep breaths. Until the day before new years eve and after that I get this really really small panicking moments when it happens cause I'm scared what if next time I fall, I'll hit my head badly or something else..
I know I should go see a doctor and get everything checked...
When I split my lip, I thought it was cool and I'm really hoping to have a small scar on it, yes I'm weird like that, but based on how it's healed during these 5/6 weeks, there won't be a scar or at least not one u could notice easily...
Checked the bloodpressure at grandma's place today (10.2.)
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